The Blue Pearl
by Tsark
Summary: lots and lots of nonsense involving self insertion, some mary sueness and lots and lots of lizzy bashing! but dont judge a book by its cover nor a fic by its summary, come have a look and see what you think!


**The Blue Pearl**

The curse of jack sparrow

The wind blew gently over the scudding waves, the seagulls screamed to each other as they rode the air currents which were currently blowing straight into the sails of a ship, a ship whose crew were busily working on board like ants, all except for two figures which stood leaning casually on the railing and watched one of the seagulls bobbing on the water as it fished for its supper.

"Do you think we can pull this off? He's known for being quite a slippery character."

"And here I thought we were well known for being ruthless!"

"That's us!" the first speaker grinned broadly. "Completely without Ruth…. Although we do have a Beth, I think she's in the galley."

"We'll manage honey, we've defeated worse men than Captain Sparrow, this is just another little conquest, not even a ripple in the pool.."

Just as the second speaker's voice trailed off the seagull they were both watching was snatched out of the water by an immense shark, it reared out of the water and pulled the bird under even as it screeched defiance and pecked at the beast's face.

The first speaker lifted her elbows from the railing and turned to her companion.

"Hah! I told you George would get it! The greedy sod'll eat anything, come on, pay up, gimmegimmegimme!" "Oh alright fine stop going on about it!" the second woman reached into an inside jacket and passed her friend a silver coin. The woman gleefully danced around her companion waving the coin in her face before stowing it up the sleeve of her dresscoat. "I wouldn't worry about this Jack Sparrow," she said. "From what I've heard he's a complete pansy!"

Captain Jack Sparrow swung his blade wide in a series of arcs, fending off the crowd of men before him. "You will taste the steel of my blade before you taste the blood in my veins!" He roared defiantly, he leapt at one of the men and jabbed at him ferociously.

"The hangman's noose will have to find itself a new victim, as it seems my cutlass wishes to become acquainted with your weasand!" He spun around on his toe, holding his sword in a horizontal slant so as to cut the man's throat, he raised himself up again with a happy sigh of triumph, wiped his blade, slid it back into his sheath and faced the crowd staring at him. "And that's how I defeated Edward Teach himself! On my oath!"

He bowed theatrically to the punters who had been watching his dramatic rendition for the past half hour and were just drunk enough to find his tall tales amazingly entertaining.

The barman, whose throat Jack had pretended to slice, finished wiping his tankard and merely slid Jack his fifth bottle of rum. The captain bowed again, although a little unsteadily, and wobbled his way back to the table where his crew were sitting and trying not to let on that they were actually with him.

"Jack I swear, if you do not start to take our predicament seriously I will start to get very annoyed!" it was becoming obvious that Will Turner was slightly annoyed, his sentiments were reflected in the faces of the rest of the crew, Marty, Mr Cotton and Gibbs glowered into their tankards, angry at the man who had led them to this moment but too loyal to confront him about it. Nearby Pintel and Ragetti were trying, unsuccessfully, to woo a pair of painted whores looking for trade, although they weren't quite so desperate for money that they were responding to the pirate's advances.

Jack shrugged his shoulders in a tipsy devil-may-care manner. "seems to me Mr Turner that all you need is a little drinky to settle those shredded nerves of yours" he slurred, settling himself in the seat next to Mr Cotton.

"What I could do with." Will spat. "is finding out exactly how it is that you managed to lose the Black Pearl, Barbossa and Elizabeth all at the same time!" He slammed his drink onto the table for emphasis on this last note, Jack frowned at the spillage of all that rum but wisely decided to hold his tongue on this point, deciding that now was not the best of times.

"I did not manage to 'lose' them." Jack began. "They were viciously wrested from my grip without my knowledge, how was I to know that Barbossa had slipped back onto the ship whilst the rest of us were celebrating?!?" "The fact that we were the only ones from the entire ship left in the inn at the time might have given most people a clue!" Will stormed, the loss of his fiancée to a notoriously evil pirate had done little to sweeten his temper of late, and worst of all was the knowledge that he still hadn't confronted either Elizabeth or Jack regarding what he had seen aboard the Pearl when they'd had to escape the Kraken's clutches, despite having gone through hell and back to return both ship and captain, he'd found talking to Elizabeth extremely difficult, the distance between them had grown immensely until the day when they sailed back into port with Jack and the Pearl safe and sound only for her to turn and exclaim that she wished to stay and guard the ship whilst the menfolk celebrated in the Faithful Bride. At the time Will had decided to give her the space she so obviously craved, not knowing that it would be the last time he saw her.

He threw his drink onto the table and stormed off into the men's privys, more angry at himself for missing his opportunity to sort things out than he was at Jack's lack of concern over Elizabeth's welfare.

He looked up at the single grimy window looking out onto the harbour and sighed. His fiancée was somewhere out in that huge ocean, and she wasn't even necessarily his fiancée any more for all he knew, the only thought he had to console himself with was that woman-wise at least, his life couldn't get any worse.

Jack gulped down the rest of Will's rum, waste not want not after all, and immediately wanted more, so he started on his own pitcher that the barman had given him earlier and had just started to pour when a shot rang out, this wasn't entirely unusual in the port of Tortuga, what was unusual was that the usually merry inhabitants of the port suddenly began to cry out and race past the inn to whatever hiding places were closest and most hidden.

The crew of the Pearl peered at the confusion in some bewilderment, unable to see what had caused the panic, especially as only one shot had been fired, how could that have terrified the meanest sea-rats ever to set foot in bilge water?

Jack grabbed his hat from the back of the chair and placed it jauntily upon his head before stepping to the doorway and cautiously peering out at the maddened crowd, he waited for his moment then reached an arm through the opening and grasped the shirt collar of a fleeing cabin boy, he dragged the struggling lad inside and shut the door.

"what's got you all so worked up lad? How come everyone's running eh?" Jack still gripped the boy's shirt as he refused to sit still but wriggled like a netted hare in his grip.

The boy realised that quick answer would lead to a quick release and gasped out "It's the dread pirate captain McEvans! He's here! We're all done for!!" Jack couldn't hide a slight smirk at the idea of once again being threatened with death, despite having cheated it so often. He released his hold on the cabin boy who immediately raced for the back door before he could be accosted again, many of the other drinkers followed him, every one of them suddenly sobered up.

The barman, at the mention of the name, started gathering all his coins together and slipped down into the cellar wielding his cutlass just in case he were followed.

Mr Gibbs shakily rose to his feet and laid a hand on Jack's shoulder. "We'd best leave cap'n, I've heard some terrifying tales about this captain McEvans, they say he's seven feet tall, can turn a man to ice with a glance, and brought down whole armies with naught but a word!"

Jack listened carefully to his bosun's words, then carefully removed his hand form his shoulder and said. "If I were to believe every legend I heard tell of every pirate in these waters I'd believe that we were due some shape shifting flying beasties lobbing fish at us from the mast, this Captain McEvans is a man just like any other and im sure he'll regret interrupting my drinking time once hes realised that hes dealing with Captain Jack Sparrow!" He removed his sword from its sheath and flourished it dramatically before striding once more to the door, "I hope you've said your prayers today lads cause you're in for a reckoning!" he roared, stepping out into the now empty street, shrouded in mist. "C'mon, what are you men or mice?" he sneered, in the next second the hidden person behind the door of the tavern smashed a bottle over his head, rendering him completely unconscious. Just before the darkness swamped his vision, Jack had just enough time to reflect that the hand holding the bottle had looked awfully slim for a man.

Will, lost in his thoughts, at first didn't register the noise outside as being dangerous, he was still so new to Tortuga that he assumed the elevation in decibel level was due to some new entertainment that had occurred, it was only when he realised that the noise had lessend to the point where the people were either gone or quitle standing around that he realised something had to be wrong. He refastened his breeches and stepped quietly towards the privy door, pressing his ear to the wood he could hear voices in the main room, although he couldn't hear Jack's voice he assumed that was because he'd finally managed to drink himself into oblivion, for what else could keep the charismatic captain quiet for more than five minutes?

He felt for his father's knife, tucked safely into his belt in case of emergencies, then took a last look back at the privy window, just in case anyone tried a rear attack on the inn. He opened the door still watching the window, saying "Mr Gibbs I think we should…" But Mr Gibbs was never to find out what his orders were to be, for just as Will turned his head into he direction of the bar, he found himself looking not into the inner sanctum of every alcoholics temple, but instead into the barrel of the pistol that was aimed directly between his brown eyes.


End file.
